Growing up, my identical twin sister Gabrielle and I were what most people would describe as inseparable. The longest we'd ever spent apart was 24 hours.
Typically, people learn basic skills like brushing their teeth or how to tie their shoelaces from parents. For these tasks, my sister and I were each other's teachers.
It wasn't due to not having a close bond with my parents; it was just that Gabrielle seemed to know me better than I knew myself.
One of the questions I get asked a lot as a twin is if we can read each other's mind.
Loading...It's not like we know word for word what the other is thinking. But whenever we found ourselves in group situations, from a simple gesture or exchanged look I could get a pretty good sense we were on the same page.
If I was ever upset, there would be a gentle hand on my shoulder from Gabrielle. It was comforting to know she could tell something was wrong, and I didn't have to say a word.
Since she moved away, I've struggled to find someone else who understands me like that.
Why I wasn't prepared for my twin sister to move to Sydney
In 2021, not long before we each turned 20, Gabrielle boarded a plane and moved over 3,000 kilometres away to Sydney.
"I used to hate when people would say someone was their other half," Gabrielle says.
"But, when I moved to Sydney, it felt like I was missing a piece."
The pain I felt when she got on the plane was all consuming; it was something I wish I was better prepared for.
Once she left, I felt as though my mind had been taken over by an impostor. I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks multiple times a week. It was something I'd never experienced before.
I was surrounded by supportive friends and family, but I felt more alone than ever.
For a long time, I've struggled to put into words how it feels to be separated from my twin. Gabrielle describes it best.
"It's like being homesick, but for a person," she says.
More than a sibling bond
The unique bond twins share can create a "built-in best friend". But once distance is put between the pair, loneliness can take over.
For many twins, living away from each other is out of the question.
Identical twin sisters Taylor and Elise Gollan, both aged 20, live one hour south of Perth in Mandurah, and they both don't like to think about ever being apart.
"We've agreed neither one of us is allowed to move out of WA," Taylor says.
"[If we lived] a block away from each other, [or as] next-door neighbours, that would be ideal."
For twins, time apart needs practice
From a womb, a bedroom, and even friendships, Gabrielle and I grew up sharing almost everything.
But psychologists warn if twins don't practise being separated during childhood, it can make adulthood harder.
Barbara Klein is an author and psychologist. Being an identical twin herself, she uses her experience of separation to guide other pairs who feel lost.
Dr Klein runs guidance counselling sessions with people who have been separated from their twin. She says loneliness is a subject which comes up regularly.
"They say loneliness is the worst thing," she says.
"Not everyone knows what it's like to be a twin. So, it stops them from speaking out because they feel so misunderstood."
Dr Klein says this is known as "twin loneliness", a persistent emotional state based on the early twin attachment from the womb. She said it can arise when a twin pair becomes separated.
"Twins will inevitably search for a twin replacement without much knowledge about a non-twin relationship," she says.
"When relationships don't work out, they can become very disappointed.
"This also makes twins miss each other even more, which strengthens those feelings of loneliness."
Dr Klein says after years of being separated from her twin and talking with other estranged pairs, the feeling is possible to overcome.
"The struggle to overcome loneliness is very painful," she says.
"But with baby steps overtime, it gets easier."
How I'm learning (slowly) to be alone
It's been two years since Gabrielle moved to Sydney. Since then, she's come home three times and I've visited her once.
I've become more used to being alone, but think I'll always crave social connection.
Something I've struggled with has been opening up about my experience with loneliness. I see my friends and family going about their day and know Gabrielle's absence isn't on their mind as much as it is mine.
But I've since realised talking to others is important.
I've found talking to professionals and other twins has been the most helpful on my journey in reminding me I'm not alone in how I feel.
The phrase "twin loneliness" wasn't something I had ever heard until recently, when I started reading about it more.
It's helped me understand the complex emotions I've felt over the years, and that my feelings are quite normal.
I'm forever grateful that Gabrielle is just one Facetime away. We still talk every day, and we look forward to the months when we can be reunited in person.
As we both begin to venture into adulthood, being separated continues to get easier.
"There will always be difficult days, but it's nice to reflect back and see how far we've come," Gabrielle says.
This article was adapted from a piece published in the Western Independent, a student journalism publication from Curtin University.
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