How 'escape funds' have helped you leave (or feel secure in) relationships

Sarah just used her escape fund to leave her marriage.

"Whilst I didn't have a huge amount saved up, it enabled me to pay three months' rent up-front," says the 51-year-old from Ngambri/Canberra, who asked we don't use her real name.

"A woman I worked with years ago told me to get it organised, not necessarily to leave my marriage, but in case anything happened to (my husband) and life/disability insurance took a while to come through, it would be one less thing to worry about."

Sarah says she will be advising her daughter to set up something similar if ever entering a serious relationship.

We heard from Sarah and several other readers after publishing our story about 'escape funds', which is money typically designed to provide someone the financial freedom to leave a relationship if things break down.

Here are their stories.

'We openly discuss it'

I opened an escape fund 30 years ago when I got married.

I happily told my hubby, who has no issues with it to this day.

In fact, we discuss it at the dinner table regularly with our three adult daughters who I have strongly encouraged to do the same thing as I did.

All three have similar accounts.

I actively encourage the younger women I work with to also have such an account.

— Katie Riordan, 60, Melbourne

'A cunning kick'

Women having an undisclosed bank account is a practice going back over generations.

My late mother advised my sisters to organise a "cunning kick", as it used to be known, and I have suggested to my own daughters that they do likewise.

A "kick" is an old-time expression for an amount of money in your possession. A "cunning kick" is a source of funds known only to the owner.

Cunning kicks are often associated with punters who want to keep their gambling secret from their partners.

Women would also have a cunning kick, not necessarily because they were worried about their relationship with someone, but simply because no-one can predict the future.

— William Galton, 71, Sydney

'I started saving contingency money'

My wife and I always maintained our own personal bank accounts after establishing our joint accounts when we bought a house together.

When I noticed that my wife was frequently redrawing significant funds from our mortgage into her own account, I had to consciously admit to myself that it wasn't just me that felt that our marriage was not going well.

I'm so glad that I did, because without that few thousand dollars in savings, it would have been very difficult to re-establish myself and our children in a new household when the separation eventuated several months later.

You start again pretty much from scratch when you move out of your married home, and any joint accounts may have been frozen until consent orders are signed.

It would be practically impossible as a non-working parent.

I would advise anyone, regardless of gender, entering a living-together relationship to keep some personal savings aside for contingency, whether you're transparent about it with your partner or not. And be prepared to split any assets you've gained while cohabiting.

If you never need it, then that's great! It's just savings you wouldn't have had otherwise.

— Jack (not their real name), 50, Melbourne

'My husband didn't know'

I married a Kiwi and lived in New Zealand. My mother said I should have escape money in case I needed to come home in a hurry for any reason, or if things didn't work out.

It wasn't until I became a widow that I stopped putting money aside.

Mum had escape money too, and used it to come to New Zealand when I needed her.

Dad knew about her escape money, but my husband didn't know about mine!

— Bobbie, 82, Adelaide

'Running away money'

When I married at 20, my mother advised me to have "running away money" as she called it, put aside in a bank safety deposit box.

When I was unmarried, I always had money put away if I needed an illegal abortion.

Thankfully, I never did.

— Ann (not their real name), 80, Sydney

Some comments have been edited for clarity and brevity. Thanks to everyone who shared with us.