What can men do right now about violence against women?

There has been a lot of energy from community around preventing violence against women in recent weeks, and men are showing up.

Tens of thousands of Australians rallied against gender-based violence in response to a sharp rise in the number of women killed so far this year.

Respect Victoria's acting CEO Serina McDuff says there has been a positive increase in engagement from men around the issue, asking what role they can play in prevention.

"There are more men [being] part of the conversation and more men seeking to understand why it's happening … and acknowledging it's not a women's issue, it's something for men to be part of solving together."

She says all men can play a role in shifting the harmful beliefs and culture that drives violence against women.

'A unique role to create change'

Matt Tyler, executive director of The Men's Project at Jesuit Social Services, has also observed men's growing interest in effecting change.

He says while not all men are violent, there are those who passively condone violence against women, and feel social pressure to conform to the harmful stereotypes that underpin it.

Recent data from The Man Box, which surveyed 3,500 Australian men between the ages of 18 and 45, shows progress in some areas, but Mr Tyler says there is "stagnation" when it comes to how men relate to women.

Even though most men don't hold beliefs such as being entitled to know where their partner is at all times, more than a third surveyed felt pressure to conform to that ideal.

"These ideas are pushed on us all the time around dominance and control," Mr Tyler says.

But more and more, men are wanting to challenge those stereotypes.

"We've seen a real uptick at a community level, sports coaches, teachers, parents, wanting us to engage with them on what role they can be playing to prevent violence," Mr Tyler says.

Ms McDuff says men shouldn't underestimate the positive influence they can have.

"Men have a unique role in the sense they are actually in positions of power in our community, they have opportunities to be a role model, and to join the movement of everyone being free of those [harmful gender] stereotypes."

Listen, learn, speak up

Listening to, and learning about, the experiences of victim-survivors is vital, says Ms McDuff.

"Have empathy about that, and also know what to do."

She says looking at the data and research, like that from ANROWS and The Man Box, can help to build understanding.

Sitting with discomfort is part of this process, as is knowing you might not always have the right words but showing up anyway, Ms McDuff says.

Talking to other men in your life about gender-based violence can also help "cut through", says Mr Tyler.

Those conversations can break down assumptions seen in The Man Box survey data, where we assume other men "are more sexist" than they actually are, he says as an example.

And while sometimes difficult, men should feel empowered to name bad behaviour.

Mr Tyler says there are ways to do that where you maintain connection with a person, but still intervene efficiently.

"Doing it in a way that maybe uses humour, or appeals to the better nature of someone, like: 'Mate, I know you're better than that, I reckon we could drop that.'"

Role modelling and leadership

Men should be thinking about the role they play as a father, in the community, and in the workplace, says Ms McDuff.

"If you are a father, make sure your children are feeling that they are not constrained by gender stereotypes," she says.

"Don't allow slurs like 'you throw like a girl' … [which] sends a message that girls are less than."

Mr Tyler says dads should be demonstrating equality in the home.

"Being present as a dad and nurturing non-violent gender equitability in terms of how you show up in the home and share domestic labour [prevents violence].

"You're more likely to raise sons who are non-violent with a dad who is a really good role model."

For those who are leaders or role models in the community, such as coaches and teachers, Mr Tyler says to embrace the diversity among boys and men, not stifle it.

"If you're a teacher and you've got a young man who wants to pursue art or dance, encourage that," he says as an example.

In the workplace, Ms McDuff says there are many opportunities to improve attitudes and behaviours, especially where men are in positions of power.

Data recently release from ANROWS shows the extent of workplace technology-facilitated harassment.

"Again, it's gendered; 24 per cent of men engaged in that type of harassment versus 7 per cent of women," Ms McDuff says.

"There is so much opportunity for men to be leaders in terms of stamping out that kind of harassment by ensuring it's not minimised and people are held to account, taking it seriously, and changing the culture of the workplace."

Know the red flags

Men knowing the signs of domestic and family violence, and recognising "it's not just a few bad apples", can help protect women, Ms McDuff says.

"If suddenly she's not around as much and becoming socially isolated … that's when to be a good friend and make inquiries."

Ms McDuff says men can also talk to male friends if they are concerned about how they are treating a partner.

"Think about how you can open up a conversation with them, and if they are opening up, approach it in a way of asking questions to have them think about their behaviour."

Noting here, it might not always be safe to do so, Ms McDuff warns.

Mr Tyler says men should feel like they can reach out for help if they are concerned about their own behaviour, or that of a someone close to them.

"There's experts and specialists there to take calls from men who are struggling."

The Men's Referral Service is the national counselling, information and referral service which helps men who use violence and abuse change their behaviour.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic or family violence, reach out to 1800RESPECT.