The biggest lesson Bec Sparrow learned about parenting teens while hosting the podcast Parental As Anything

It's funny how a big part of family get-togethers when you're over 40 involve confessing to things that nearly killed you as a teen that our own grown-ups knew nothing about.

"One New Year's Eve in the early 90s we hitchhiked from Noosa Junction to Hastings Street. In a car with four guys. They were nice though!" I say at a family get-together recently, possibly a little too casually while picking all the cashews out of the bowl of mixed nuts.

Not to be outdone, my cousin adds: "My friend Matt and I drove a Moke up Mt Coot-tha and crashed into a police car."

His sister replies excitedly: "Oh my God, I'd forgotten about Mokes!"

"What's a Moke?" asks my cousin's wife. And we proceed to explain that it's not unlike something Fred Flintstone would drive.

More stories are shared. Passing out drunk at a party. Walking home at 2am from the train station to save a cab fare.

The adults in the room (well, the ADULT adults – our parents who are now in their 70s) look horrified and all say the same thing: "Why didn't you tell us?"

I mean why DIDN'T we tell them?

Keeping lines of communication open

The reason was that we'd get in trouble. 

My mum and dad and aunts and uncles were wonderful, loving parents, but it was the early 90s and parenting was a lot more "You are grounded, young lady" than it is now. 

And so, like many Gen-X teens, we tended to sort stuff out on our own.

I shudder thinking of the scrapes and dodgy situations I got myself into as a teen but never once told my parents about. And it's something I absolutely don't want to recreate with my own three kids.

When things go pear-shaped, I want my kids to think, "Oh my God we have to tell mum and dad" rather than "Mum and dad can never find out".

And it's a message that has come through loud and clear in this season of Parental as Anything Teens.

Whether the topic has been binge drinking, sending nudes, falling in with the wrong crowd, bullying, finding porn, self-harm, vaping, drugs or anything in between – the experts have without fail at some point in the episode said the exact same thing.

Keep the lines of communication open. Don't risk shutting down that connection. 

When our kids get into trouble, we want them to tell us.

Three tips for parenting teens

Sounds good in theory. But how do we actually do that? How do we ensure that our kids reach out to us when things take a turn for the worse?

Good questions! Here are the top three tips I've learned from the experts in Parental As Anything Teens this season.

1. 1.Don't sweat the small stuff
   If we overreact over the little mistakes our kids make, we can pretty much guarantee they won't come to us with the more serious screw ups. Sure, it can be frustrating when they lose their school hat for the 300th time or break the window because they were playing French cricket up against the side of the house with their brother which they know they're not supposed to do … but staying calm and not overreacting is key. It doesn't mean they don't experience consequences, but it does mean that you're showing them you're not scary.
2. 2.Thank them for telling you the truth
   When our kids come to us to confess something – however unpleasant it is to hear – thank them for being honest. Maybe they lost a library book, cheated on an assignment or looked up something abhorrent online. Either way starting with "That took a lot of courage to tell me and I'm really glad you did" is a great way to start.
3. 3.Have an exit strategy
   Whether they're at a sleepover or a party – let them know that if they text you an X or a certain emoji or the phrase "I forgot my house key" that's code for GET ME OUT OF HERE. It means you call them; tell them you're coming to get them, and no questions will be asked. Whether it's 9pm or 2am you'll be there. Their safety is paramount.