Does your teen love nothing more than slothing about on the sofa? And the mere idea of a walk, bike ride or jumping on the trampoline seems like too much effort?
We know that movement and exercise is good for our mental and physical health, but knowing that, and getting our teen to muster the energy to do it are two different things.
Bec Sparrow gives her tips on how to get your teen moving.
The advice in this podcast is general and does not consider your personal situation. If you require further advice specific to your needs, please consult a professional.
- Producers: Hannah Reich, Josie Sargent
- Supervising Producer: Tamar Cranswick
- Executive Producer: Alex Lollback
- Sound design: Ann-Marie de Bettencor
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Bec Sparrow, host of Parentas As Anything: Teens. (May 2024)(Supplied: Bec Sparrow)
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Parent's voices: Dear Bec. Dear Bec. Dear Bec, help! Can you help me, Bec? I feel like my teenager hates me. Oh my god, teenagers. It's like I don't even know him anymore. I just feel completely useless. Off the rails. I really don't know what to do. Help Bec! Oh my gosh, Bec, help!
Bec Sparrow: Do you have a teenager who's just sort of slothing about on the sofa all day? Lounging around in their room, disinterested in, well, just about every family outing that involves movement? Yeah. Hi, I'm Bec Sparrow and in these Dear Bec episodes, I answer questions directly from you, parents of teenagers. We all know how important exercise is for our teens, for their health, their motivation, their sense of wellbeing, but knowing these things and getting them off the couch are two different things.
Sam: My daughter is 14. She's a fabulous kid who's had a very active early childhood. The dance, the karate, the gymnastics, that's kind of dialed down a little bit. And then about a year ago, when she got a part-time job and aged a little bit, she's just kind of opted out. There's no interest from her, like at all. So if I said, let's go for a walk, you know, with a dog, with a llama, anything, she's like, 'Nah, I'mall right, I'll stay here. Why would I do that?'
Sam: But then even to be honest, saying that out loud, I wonder if how she will hear that is, you know, 'Mum thinks I'm fat'. So should I ignore it? Should I just let this kind of sedentary way of being adjust itself? And if I shouldn't ignore it, how should I go about it?
Bec Sparrow: I'm going to tell you what I do in my household because I can really relate to this issue. I have three children myself who are fabulous, but they are definitely very indoorsy kids. I do not have super sporty kids at all. And so I hear you. We want our kids to be moving. We don't want our kids to be couch potatoes. Now, this parent said that her daughter was in a lot of sport in primary school and sort of dropped out in high school. And that's actually really common. There's a bit of a participation cliff when girls sort of hit around 13 because sport becomes seriously too competitive. Kids usually have much more study and homework to do. Puberty hits in a big way. And so all of a sudden, girls often feel really uncomfortable playing a sport when they have their period and also self-conscious in small uniforms. So it's really a bit of a perfect storm happening.
Bec Sparrow: But I do want to say there is a way around this to get back into sport. And part of that is revisiting sports that are less competitive and which focus on fun. The thing that I think parents forget is how important it is to be modelling this stuff. Okay, so if we're talking to our kids about, hey, getting off the couch and going for a walk, are they actually seeing us do that kind of thing? Are they seeing us going for a walk or are we in a local social netball team or playing tennis and just so it normalises the idea of always doing movement all through your life.
Bec Sparrow: You've got a dog. Can we not be incentivising the kids to be walking the dog? That incentive could be if you want to have your pocket money this week or you want me to be paying for the mobile phone, then it's a non-negotiable that you guys are doing chores and one of the chores is walking the dog.
Bec Sparrow: Think about as well reviewing how busy your daughter is. I've got to say some of our teenagers are working longer days than we do. Some of them are leaving the house at six or seven o'clock in the morning. They're not getting home from school because of after school activities until six or seven o'clock at night. Then they've sometimes got two hours of homework. Some of them have got jobs. It's a really long day. As long as they're doing some movement, I think that's okay.
Bec Sparrow: How do we talk to teens about all of this stuff without them getting the wrong end of the stick? We don't want them to be hearing a different message. We don't want them to think that we're encouraging them to move, to do exercise because we think that they're overweight. That to me would be a disaster. And no matter what your motivations are as a parent, you know, we've got to remember that our teens live in a world that's obsessed with them looking a certain way. So we really need to come at this super gently.
Bec Sparrow: So the way that I have addressed that is movement is non-negotiable in our household, but not because of weight. I never talk about bodies and weight in our household, but I talk about movement being important for our mental health. Because as our kids get older, as they go from tweens and into teens, we know that there is a spike often with anxiety and depression. So I'm all about putting all different types of things in place that can help protect their mental health and exercise movement is a key component of that. So that means when my kids get home, I don't expect them to go out for a run unless they want to, which would be never, right? But I will say to them, 'Okay, well, you're not going to be able to have your iPad or do any gaming until you've gone and played outside on the trampoline or had a swim'.
Bec Sparrow: I completely get that you're wanting to help your teen build these healthy habits while you still have some influence. I get that. But the thing is how you go about it matters. So we want to make movement and exercise part of their routine if we can. We want to encourage and never shame them. We want to model good, sustainable habits. It might not seem like they're paying attention, but trust me, they are.
Bec Sparrow: If you want some help with the nitty gritty of raising teens, send me an email or a voice note to teens@abc.net.au. And I will do my very best to help find out the creases. And make sure you follow us on the ABC Listen app.