Many of us have been in the awkward position of not liking a friend's partner. But if that partner's behaviour is abusive, the dilemma takes on a new and frightening dimension.
You might be wrestling with questions such as: Should you tell your friend to leave their partner? And what words should you choose when raising your concerns?
Family violence experts and survivors say it's important not to ignore the situation, and to safely direct your loved one to resources that can help. (There are more step-by-step pointers here, if you need them.)
We asked three ABC Everyday readers who have escaped abusive relationships about who helped them — and how.
Trigger warning: This story contains details of domestic violence.
'My mum helped me out of an abusive marriage'
With the help of her mother, Queensland-based Beth* recently left her abusive husband for good.
Beth's mum identified red flags early in the relationship, when she witnessed Beth's husband swearing at her.
Several others, including Beth's daughter, also raised concerns about the man in the first few weeks of the relationship.
"I ignored them. I was so in love," Beth says. "And I was in denial at first. I thought I was oversensitive."
When Beth's husband began smashing things — phones, windscreens, walls — about three months into the relationship, she began to privately identify his behaviour as abusive.
"When this happened, I could hear my families and friends saying, 'He's not safe, I told you'," Beth says.
She left the marriage briefly in early 2018 — but soon returned home, thinking he had changed.
"I went back and the violence just got worse," she says.
Beth's mum continued voicing her concerns. She pointed out that Beth's children might develop a skewed view of what marriage should look like, and warned Beth she might lose her job because she was struggling to concentrate at work.
"She was saying, 'Can't you see this is unhealthy? He does not love you, because this is not what love looks like'. She just laid it out for me," Beth says.
Beth was reluctant to leave — partly because of embarrassment and shame over the breakdown of her marriage.
In the southern African country where she was raised, divorce is frowned upon, she says.
The violence eventually came to a head in September.
"I finally decided this man could kill me. I remember one time the police telling me, 'You're going to end up in a casket'."
Beth finally summoned the courage to leave.
"Mum said, 'I know the way you love your children, but child safety's going to remove your children. You need to make a choice — either him or your children.'
"I had to choose my children."
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The next day, Beth's mum escorted her to court to apply for an intervention order.
"She was there for me, supporting me emotionally and physically, encouraging me and being very patient," Beth says.
She's grateful her mother stood by her, despite moments of frustration when Beth wasn't ready to hear the truth about her relationship.
"I just feel like women normally have hope that people will change. But people won't change," she says.
"When people show you who they are, believe them. Life is too precious."
'A friend offered me a place to stay'
Anita*, from Victoria, left her abusive husband after 15 years of marriage — with the help of a friend.
Anita's confidence had been eroded by years of psychological abuse when she met her new friend, Sara*, at bingo one night.
"We got to chatting and she invited me around for a cuppa," Anita says.
"We became really good friends and I happened to mention some of the things that were happening … when I finally told her that he'd started hitting me, she said, 'Well if he hits you again, you come here'."
The next time his abuse became physical, Anita headed straight to her friend's house and didn't look back.
The decision to leave for good was daunting, she recalls.
"When I left him, I walked out with the clothes I had on the back and my handbag," she says.
"I thought, I'm going to work in a towelling dress. That's all I've got to my name.
"I had nothing in the bank. And I actually went to work on the Monday and borrowed money off a friend from work for lunch."
A week later, she saw a lawyer and instigated the divorce proceedings.
She says her husband's family took his side.
"They all said, 'You should have gone to marriage counselling, it takes two to tango'."
But her husband didn't come after her, and years later she's thankful Sara and others helped her out of the relationship.
"It was only with the help of my friends and work colleagues that I was able to get my confidence back," Anita says.
Sara has sadly since passed away, but Anita hasn't forgotten how her friend helped her during a trying time.
She wants readers to know non-physical abuse can be just as debilitating as physical violence.
"Psychological abuse is harder to get out of because it diminishes your confidence," she says. "And it makes you not take the initiative."
'My brother helped me leave by sending me articles to read'
With the help of her brother and several friends, mother-of-four Sienna* from regional Victoria left her de facto partner in June 2018.
"When we first started seeing each other he started exhibiting a couple of little things that I thought were a bit unusual, in terms of anger," she says.
He'd often swear at Sienna, and once became enraged when she left the house to go for a walk without his say-so, she recalls.
Although she'd told several family members and friends about her partner's behaviour, "it took a really long time to be taken seriously because my partner is such a friendly and loving guy most of the time, and particularly in front of others", she says.
The abuse escalated after she fell pregnant and gave birth to their daughter in 2015.
"He was yelling, breaking things, throwing things," she says.
That's when Sienna's brother — who lives interstate — twigged something was seriously wrong.
He began sending information and resources via Instagram messages, in case Sienna's partner was monitoring her texts.
"He sent me an article and it had so much information in it that really helped me," she says.
In 2017 Sienna's partner grabbed her throat, and agreed to go to counselling. Sienna made the decision to leave him if the counselling didn't work.
It didn't.
Sienna bought herself a personal finance self-help book and began selling crafts online.
"Every time I sold something, I just put it into a bank account and didn't touch it, and that just built up and built up," she says.
She discreetly started looking at rental apartments, and used her first $2,000 to pay the bond and first months' rent.
With the rest of the money, she bought second-hand furniture online and stored different items in family and friends' homes until she was ready to leave.
Friends also gave her furniture.
"People came out of the woodwork when they understood what was happening," she says. "One friend gave me a coffee table, another gave me a bookshelf."
After three or four months of saving and planning, Sienna packed her bags and some of her kids' clothes and moved into the new apartment.
"Had I not opened up to my brother and other people who believed and supported me, I would probably be still living the abuse cycle right now and still thinking about suicide as an option," she says.
"Ultimately I knew had to do it for the sake of my kids. Having four children made it a lot harder to get out but was also the number one reason to do it."
* Names changed for privacy and safety reasons.